Summer Holiday Screentime Stress

Depending where you are in the world, the long summer holidays are either rapidly approaching or have already started. It will come as no surprise that this is a time when many parents worry about how much time their child will be spending online over the holidays and what they can do to manage it, without feeling like they are policing, shouting, negotiating, justifying and repeating themselves on a constant loop!

 It’s been the first full year back in school for many since March 2020. The year often ends with exams, tests and adjustments all being set ready for the start of the new academic year. Everyone is ready for a break and some well deserved downtime. For many kids and teens now, screentime is there go to downtime. 

According to a study by Ofcom in 2018 children aged between 5 and 15 were spending an average of almost 15 and a half hours a week online.  99% of 12 to 15 year-olds go online for 20 hours and 30 minutes a week. Baring in mind these stats were an average of time spent over 2018, i think it's safe to assume that with the expanse of free time over the summer holidays and the increased time spent online over the pandemic, that kids and teens are likely spending much longer online and on social media now.

For many children and teens social media and being online is the main way they keep in touch with their friends, make plans and keep up to date with what everyone else is up to. Some tweens and teens use apps such as TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram to create and share their own content, maybe aspiring to be like the influencers they follow (do you know who they are?) For some it is the way they keep up with hobbies and gaming. Watching videos and streams on YouTube or Twitch of Fortnite and for others it is a way to find likeminded communities that they identify – can be a positive and can very easily be a negative.

For most children the internet is never far away, and for many it’s right there in their pocket, constantly notifying them of its existence, tempting them back online with endless notifications from group chats and social media.

So… how do you balance screentime over the summer holidays?

Well as with all things parenting this will be different for every single family out there depending on YOUR circumstances. You have to do what is right and manageable for your family and maybe reframe from worrying as much about quantity of screen time to quality.

For some families making a screen contract works wonders. It can be different for every child depending on their age and helps them understand the concept of boundaries and consequences.  There is no perfect set of rules here. They must work for your child, be clear and easy to understand, suit your situation and values and you will have to put the effort in to make this a reality, but for many this is a gamechanger.  It can be around chores or other things you want them to be doing such as playing outside, riding their bike, walking the dog. Each time they complete these tasks they get allocated a certain amount of screen time which they can earn (or loose) throughout the day.

Remember, rules are pointless if not agreed in advance, the rewards for keeping them or the consequences of not. If the rule is no phones whilst eating dinner – that applies to parents too! You have to model your own rules if you want your child to take it seriously.

 What if a contract is not for you? Feels too formal or that it just wouldn’t last past a couple of days – a bit like setting ambitious new diet and exercise regimes on the 1st January each year.

Often rules relax a bit over the long summer holidays, bed times get later, meal times get moved about, more ice cream gets eaten and routines generally a little less rigid. So, how about looking at it alongside how we look at our children’s diet? We wouldn’t want them eating McDonalds all day every day over the school holidays – they would feel awful and no doubt be looking far from healthy. It can be the same with social media or time online. Children’s access to social media or gaming needs to be balanced, like their diet.  The creators of these games and apps know exactly how to keep people on their site for longer. Snapchat invented the SnapStreak for this exact purpose. This is how they describe the feature

"If you see the 🔥, that means you and your friend are on a Snapstreak – meaning you and your friend have Snapped each other (not chatted) within 24 hours for more than three consecutive days.

The number next to the 🔥 tells you how many days you’ve been on a Snapstreak for. For example, if you have an 8 next to the 🔥 it means you both have Snapped (not chatted) back and forth with this friend for 8 days. (Pretty impressive!) - notice this use of tone here to get kids thinking this is cool and something they need to be on top of...

To keep a Snapstreak going, both Snapchatters must send a Snap (not Chat) back and forth to each other within a 24-hour window.

You’ll see a ⌛️ next to a friend’s name if your Snapstreak with them is about to expire."

As an adult we can see these features and easily dismiss them as nonsense or annoying but for kids they can become addictive easily and a genuine cause for concern or worry if they are not keeping up with their streaks! How long do they spend each day just maintaining these streaks!? Snapchat has other features such as showing you when somone is 'typing' a message, same as on Whatsapp - this naturally keeps people engaged longer as they want to know what is coming and so it continues. Even if you're not on the app and your phone is idle, they will try and lure you on by notifying you when someone else is 'on Snapchat' This is when it starts to become a problem and very easy for kids and teens to be sucked into endless back and forth or anticipation of who's messaging what. 

If you haven't checked out your childs 'snapscore' it can be an eye opening exercise to give you an idea of how much time they are spending on Snapchat. Snapscore is the running total of certain types of messages you send and receive on Snapchat.You can find your child's snapscore by pressing their avatar picture in the upper left corner of their main Snapchat screen.There are teenagers out there who have over 1 million on their snapscore. Many tweens schoolers will brag about having 500,000 on their snapscore as it shows they are very active on snapchat, which apparently is a positive in their eyes. Having a look at your childs snapscore and comparing a few days later will help you see how active they are on here. That number tells you how many interactions they've had each day on Snapchat. 

Personally, I don’t believe giving outright bans on technology are the answer. Like with everything in life, we as parents are trying to build the skills in our children to self-regulate and navigate in both the real and digital world to make positive choices. They have to make mistakes to learn.  I'm sure we can all think of a time when we have been told we can't have or do something and often it makes you want it so much more. So, we can try and instil a healthy digital diet too. Go online with your child, encourage them to research new and interesting things, find inspirational people to follow, learn new skills and hobbies. Interact positively and be creative rather than just binging on social media or games all the time. Put time limits on specific apps or games rather than the internet as a whole. Talk to them about what they are watching - why do they like it? If your child is into gaming - game with them. Turn some of their online time into a chance to spend time together and understand their world a bit more, show an interest.

FOMO:

Over the course of the holidays, it is always good to remind your child that so much of what they see online is not real. Whilst most of us remember going back to school and asking “how was your summer?”

Kids now often feel they have to compete with all the posts from friends at school posting about their ‘amazing holiday’ ‘amazing new friends’ amazing boyfriend/girlfriend’ ‘amazing new clothes’ ‘amazing trips out to everywhere amazing’ and so on……

Social media can do a very good job of making you feel like you have missed out and everyone is living their best lives. As parents we need to teach them how to handle that and recognise those photos can add up to just a few minutes of time which were all posed for and staged. The ones having real fun with real friends are too busy enjoying that to post about it all the time.

Summer holidays look different for every family. Parents are juggling work or different age siblings with different hobbies. Some go away on holidays, some don't. Some have family to visit elsewhere, some don't. Some have siblings to play with, some don't.  I can't imagine there are many families where screentime doesn't factor in there somewhere - it does in our house! But rather than resign yourself to loosing your child to their phone or Xbox, start the conversations now about boundaires and expectations for the summer (and why) and talk about other ideas of things to do or how you can be more involed in their screentime, whilst still allowing them their own space.

Good Luck - Be kind to yourself (and your child) and just keep making small changes, they all add up - above all

KEEP TALKING 

Happy Holidays